Wear A Mask.

This morning was rough.

Schools had to release their starting back up plans. I love our school district (no really, I do!) but unfortunately our school plan is following the bare minimum from the State of Iowa. It boils down to “you can wear a mask if you want to” but everything else is business as usual. I kind of expected it, but at the same time I was secretly hoping that they would come up with something else.

This morning I had to have a long, tear-filled talk with Averie. I didn’t want her to hear the news from her friends first. We talked for almost an hour about how she will likely have to do some version of home/online school next year and that she likely won’t be in the building with her friends.

This girl loves school so much, she misses her friends, and my heart was completely crushed when she could only look at me with tears in her eyes and say “𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘴? 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘶𝘮𝘣 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘳𝘶𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘨𝘰 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺.” cue meltdown of both of us.

So we talked about it. She knows that we have the option of sending her to school, but without us saying so – she also knows that there’s a good risk that she could get sick from someone else. That she could then easily bring it home to her brother, who is medically fragile, and that the likelihood of him surviving would be slim.

That is not the kind of weight I want hanging over her head, and even given the option, she knows it’s a risk she doesn’t want to take either.

She understands why, and she’s understandably really sad about next year. Sixth grade is a big deal, a lot of transition happens and she has said multiple times that she’s looking forward to it. She’s upset, but handling it better than I would have at her age.

By contrast though, right now I’m really angry.

I’m angry that I had to have a conversation like this with her at all.

I’m angry that at 11 years old she has no choice but to be self aware enough to know she has to take extra measures to help keep her “ridiculously cute” little brother alive.

I’m angry that she knows how little it would take to minimize the risks, and can see so clearly that people aren’t doing it.

And then I get on Facebook to try to decompress and am immediately greeted by posts from people I know, making appalling arguments against mask wearing.

I try, really hard, to understand that there are cases and reasons when a mask can’t be worn. I know there are honestly times when there isn’t an option, especially with families in the special needs community.

But the vast majority of the comments against masks are about politics or people’s “rights”.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized why I am so angry.

This isn’t political for us.
This is personal.

This isn’t about your “right” to not wear a mask.
This is about our right to live our lives.

This is about our family.
This is about our survival.

It’s about an 11 year old girl who wants nothing more than to go back to school with her friends without fear of bringing an illness home that would likely kill her little brother.

It’s about an almost 5 year old little boy who wasn’t expected to live past 5 days, who has fought so freaking hard to be here today, who lights up the world around him, and is at high risk of death if he catches a respiratory virus that isn’t well understood by the medical community.

This is our reality.

You could say we are being controlled by fear, and maybe that’s true, but when we’ve had friends with similar diagnoses to AJ who lost their kids due to complications from a common cold, you can’t call our fears unjustified.

We’ve been locked down at home and taking extra precautions of varying degrees since November 1st, because cold and flu season is dangerous enough.

There are so many people who argue that mask wearing is ridiculous for one reason or another. But if they would just wear the darn masks – the worst thing that will have happened is that they will have worn a mask for nothing. And they will also be out nothing.

But what if they’re wrong?

What if by wearing a “flimsy” mask you can possibly prevent even just one virus particle from traveling out of your mouth, and what if that could prevent even just one person from being exposed?

Is your mask really such an inconvenience, or such a big political statement that you can’t consider wearing one then?

Could you look me or my kids in their eyes and tell them that your “right” to not wear a mask is more important than their right to live their lives? That putting that flimsy piece of fabric over your face is just too inconvenient?

I know most of the people who feel this way have already made up their minds. They’ve made their stances (loudly) known, and they’ll likely not change their minds.

But if for some reason at all you’re still on the fence?

𝗣𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲, 𝘄𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗮 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝗸.

---

Bonus Content:

For good measure – I’m more than happy to have a respectful discussion of differing opinions, but feel free to reference the below thoughts before commenting:

“𝗝𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘆 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗳𝗿𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗹𝗲.”

We did. For 3 months. But FMLA leave and partial paychecks run out. Aaron had to go back to work to maintain insurance. If he chose to stay home because of AJ’s risk, he wouldn’t have qualified for unemployment. Staying home is a privilege that not everyone can afford.

“𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗱𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝗸𝘀 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝗸𝘀 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝗰𝗸. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗼𝘅𝗲𝘀 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆’𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗿𝘂𝘀. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗖𝗗𝗖 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗵.”

You’re right, the particles themselves can get through, but if they’re attached to droplets from your mouth and nose, it will block the droplets. Most virus particles travel with droplets, not freely on their own. Do we know how effective they are or aren’t? No. But I can tell you that if you spray even the finest mist through a window screen some of the particles will be blocked. Isn’t that worth it?

“𝗦𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝗸𝘀 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗼 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵, 𝗶𝘁 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱𝗻’𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝗳 𝗜 𝘄𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗼𝗿 𝗻𝗼𝘁”

My mask helps slightly, but ultimately I don’t believe it does much to protect me. As particles and droplets travel, they have the ability to separate and become smaller and therefore easier to fit through the holes in my mask. The best bet to block particles is then they’re attached to larger respiratory droplets, at the source of transmission. In short, my mask protects you more than it does me, while your mask protects me.

“𝗥𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝗸 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗔𝗗𝗔 – 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲, 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗺𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝗜 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘁”

The ADA does not work like that. The ADA laws note that accommodations should be made when medically necessary, in the least restrictive way. Even if you do have a medical reason to not wear a mask, the least restrictive accommodation is not going to allow you to go into the store, it’s likely going to offer curbside pickup or something else that won’t put others at risk.

This one truly is obnoxious. Stop trying to use a law that’s made to protect and accommodate the people who truly need it so that you can make a statement. It makes you look like an insensitive ableist jerk.

“𝗠𝗮𝘀𝗸𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗰𝘁 𝗼𝘅𝘆𝗴𝗲𝗻 𝗳𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝗱𝘂𝗰𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝘅𝘆𝗴𝗲𝗻 𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗺 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗹𝘁𝗵 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗺𝘀.”

My asthmatic, out of shape, self is perfectly fine, holding steady at 98% no matter what mask I’m wearing. Even when I’m wearing it for hours. Even when I’m breathing shallow from a migraine and sleeping in the hospital ER. If your oxygen level is truly dropping when you’re wearing a mask, then you likely have health problems that need investigated.

“𝗜 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗻’𝘁 𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗲, 𝗜 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝘅𝗶𝗲𝘁𝘆 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗮𝗰𝗸, 𝗜’𝗺 𝗰𝗹𝗮𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗽𝗵𝗼𝗯𝗶𝗰.”

I try really hard to be patient with this one. I’ve had anxiety attacks of my own before. They aren’t fun. But can you say that your trip to the store is so necessary that it must be done with no mask on, at a potential risk to anyone you see in the process? Grandparents, parents, people with medically complex kids like us? Can’t you order your groceries for pickup? Or send someone else? What other options do you have? Could you wear a face shield or try a different type of mask or a bandana instead? Something, anything, is better than nothing.

“𝗙𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝘄𝘀! 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗮 𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗼𝗰𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝗵𝗼𝗮𝘅, 𝗶𝘁’𝘀 𝗮𝗻 𝗲𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗺𝗲, 𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗲𝘆𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝘀𝗵𝗲𝗲𝗽”

I know people who have, or have had, this awful virus. I know people who have lost their parents, and people who have children that are still fighting for their lives. I know people who have “recovered” but are still dealing with the long term effects it’s caused.

Whether or not it’s widespread, whether or not the increased results are from increased testing… None of that is of any consequence to the people whose lives have been altered by it, and none of that will make any difference to the next person who struggles with it either. And it’s certainly not going to make a difference to me if my son contracts it.